i have found a solution!

"the final fact being that at the very bottom of his soul he was an outsider, and anti-social, and he accepted the fact inwardly, no matter how bond-streety he was on the outside. his isolation was a necessity to him; just as the appearance of conformity and mixing-in with the smart people was also a necessity.
but occasional love, as a comfort and soothing, was also a good thing, and he was not ungrateful. on the contrary, he was burningly, poignantly grateful for a piece of natural, spontaneous kindness: almost to tears. beneath his pale, immobile, disillusioned face, his child's soul was sobbing with gratitude to the woman, and burning to come to her again; just as his outcast soul was knowing he would keep really clear of her."

d.h.l.

i shall try to sleep now

vorbildfunktion 4